Guest Post: No Time to Sit and Worry by V. Ronnie Laughlin
Earlier this year, TMP Books put out a call for submissions for two anthologies, requesting stories from cancer warriors/survivors, and from cancer caregivers. We received several submissions, but not enough to fill either book, so for now, the books are postponed.
When I notified the writers who had submitted, one of them suggested running the stories on my blog, and I loved the idea. My goal was to share people’s stories, to give encouragement and hope to other cancer warriors and caregivers, so why wait? I’m sharing the stories each Tuesday, in the order they were submitted.
Today, I welcome author V. Ronnie Laughlin who shares her atypical breast cancer journey from the Middle East, during the pandemic.
As I held the specimen cup in my hand with the breast biopsy sample glistening inside; I looked at it and it looked at me. It looked like a hydra, the long tentacled invertebrate with a gelatinous body. I do not know what possessed me to ask my Radiologist, Dr. Noura, this question: “Dr. Noura, have you ever seen it look like cancer and it not be?” She was stunned; her eyes widened; she took a deep breath and looked me directly in the eyes and replied “No.” I did not shudder, I said OK, and WOW and asked again when the results would be back.
I got dressed and walked to my car, alone, and sat just for a few minutes to process what I’d just been told – “you have breast cancer.” I bowed my head and said a quick prayer to God to lead and guide me in this very new journey. I did not know what my journey would be like. Unfortunately, I had many examples of the breast cancer battle from family members and friends. My Mom, Essie; my Aunt Elsie; my Coach, Kay Yow; and my Bestie, Cynt, all had breast cancer. My dear Mentor Amelia, had breast, pancreatic, and colon cancers. So, yes, I had been exposed to what kind of fight I needed to prepare for. I was grateful for their strength.
I was very familiar with my numerous dress rehearsals for this journey. I did not have time to sit and worry about how my journey would transpire. I needed a plan to manage my life during my journey. I needed first and utmost, faith. Then I would need strength like I have never needed to summon, wisdom to understand terms and procedures that I was about to face and lastly, maybe this would be my ultimate trial for my test of patience. I knew I had to be strong and live in the moment. There was no time to project what was going to happen. I had to learn to move forward each day and keep that routine going until it was no longer required. I solidly believed that I would plow through my journey. I knew because all the people that came before did and did so with such vim, vigor, and strength. They were my role models.
My journey began in August of 2020 during the global pandemic. Not just during the pandemic, but the pandemic that was happening in the Middle East where I live and work. I thanked God that the Middle East took a very different approach to steering the country through the pandemic than the rest of the world. I felt safe, but stressed about how I was going to navigate this inevitable breast cancer diagnosis when we were on lockdown with very stringent limitations for travel within our home districts. I needed a plan to ensure that I came out on the other side healed and healthy.
In the meantime, I needed to get home and think about what my radiologist said or had intimated – I, in all likelihood, had breast cancer.
When I got home, I went directly to my bedroom, got on my knees and prayed again. This prayer was a prayer of thanks for this challenge. I also asked for help and strength to get me get through my journey. No tears, no why me, no being mad at God and the world – I just asked for strength to get me through this journey; however long it was going to be and to be able to tell others about it with hopes that my story would make their journey smoother or easier, certainly, more informed.
In the interim of waiting for the test results to come back, I chatted with friends and family, but I did not divulge the possibilities of what I may be facing; my thought process was to not worry anyone before I really had to. I just waited, meditated and prayed each day. I found this peace before my journey and I was glad I did. I had given it all to God to lead me and guide me and I was able to move through my days without being stuck on the thought that I may have breast cancer.
On August 23, 2020, my OBGYN, Dr. Abraham, called. His voice was lively and upbeat – I tried to match his energy: “Hey Ron” – “Hey Dr. Abraham – whatcha got?” I heard him take a deep breath and he said the words that I thought he would say: “You have breast cancer; intraductal carcinoma Stage II. It is early stage by the size, but you will need more tests to be sure. I have set you up with a good breast surgeon. I think you will like her. Make an appointment and she will tell you more.” I went into my intellectual mode – “Ok, what is the surgeon’s name again? I can make an appointment in the hospital app with her?” “Yes”, he said. I said “OK – thanks so much Dr. Abraham; I will keep you posted.” I ended the call and sat down and breathed deeply.
I grabbed my journal so that I could make an entry immediately, as I wanted to capture whatever this emotion was that was washing over me. I breathed deeply, wrote a journal entry, and went to pray again. This time my prayer was very specific. Specific because I knew that for all intents and purposes I would be doing this journey alone – the pandemic had isolated everyone in the Middle East. If my cancer required chemo, I knew my immune system would be compromised and I could not risk having my friends come in to help me, as they may have been exposed to COVID-19. God forbid that I have a cancer diagnosis and COVID!
My prayer was simple. “Heavenly Father, Son, Holy Spirit, and Mary let me drive myself to my appointments, walk in and out of the hospital for my visits during this journey.”
I prayed this because I knew that I would be driving myself to my appointments including chemo and I knew I needed the strength that only God could dispense. I came to find out that I was right in asking for strength during my journey.
As the day went on after Dr. Abraham’s call, a decision was needed if I was going to tell anyone about my cancer journey. I balked a bit. I had seen how arduous it had been for my Bestie Cynt as she tried to contact family and friends after her diagnosis in the late 90’s. She was exhausted, even as I helped her send emails and make calls. I knew I would have to regulate and dole out my energy if I had to undergo chemo. I was unsure if I would have enough stamina to make regular contact with people to keep them abreast of my journey. I decided to pray about that too and get a good night’s rest to jumpstart everything.
For me, prayer and meditation quelled my mind and provided clarity for me during my journey. Taking time each day to pray, meditate and journal kept me on a routine that I appreciated, as it was my constant. I could reset and start new after praying and meditating. Journaling kept my mind open – if I had a thought or feeling, I wrote about it.
When I awoke the next day, I had my solution: Gather a small group of my friends and family, my “Framily” so to speak, and call them My Tribe. I could send out a couple of messages and the people that I chose would know that the information would suffice as an update and they would not need more. My Tribe proved to be the ultimate in friendship. They did not hound me or send messages asking numerous questions. They allowed my messages to be sufficient – they understood the assignment and I loved them for that. Get yourself a Tribe; they will be your foundation when things get difficult or overwhelming.
First Step, meeting my breast surgeon, Dr. Rena. I was excited. As a Speech Language Pathologist, I love medical technology, so I felt good about learning new medical terms in the cancer field.
Dr. Rena was a doctor who used drawings and made references to the images on her computer – I was eating up the information she shared. She gave me a rundown of how the cancer protocol would work, but not before I told her what I had googled about breast cancer and how I had planned my protocol. Dr. Rena was so polite. She allowed me to go on and on about how I wanted a double mastectomy because I wanted to reduce my risk of the cancer recurring.
When I finished my spiel, she politely said “OK, Ms. Veronica, this is what WE are going to do.” I quickly realized that my novice skill level of cancer intervention was unmatched and listened attentively as she outlined my next round of tests. She informed me of how the cancer protocol worked along with the Tumor Board and the subsequent treatment plan, surgery, radiation and the follow-up. Her information was thorough and made sense to me. I had been taught by my Mentor, Amelia Hudson, to always gain a level of understanding of something so that you could explain it to seven-year-old and they would understand. Dr. Rena’s explanation was on a level that I could understand and later share with My Tribe. I always felt comfortable asking questions and asked until I got the response that made sense to me in the scheme of my health care. Advocating for yourself is essential during your cancer treatment.
I always had a little notebook that I took to all of my appointments. I had questions that I wanted to ask in the notebook as well, I recorded my vitals and test results and kept a schedule of my appointments, procedures, and medications that were upcoming. Navigating this cancer journey alone probably made me overly fervent about my care, but it was my life and I wanted to keep living a healthy life!
When all was said and done, the Tumor Board recommended Neoadjuvant therapy. That is where the chemo is done first. I was to receive four rounds of chemo, with the hopes that the tumor would be resolved or destroyed. Then a lumpectomy to make sure no cancer cells remained at the site. Then 15 rounds of radiation to be extra sure. It was a good plan.
The rounds of chemo were by far the most difficult thing that I have ever done in my lifetime. With side effects of constipation, oral thrush, and my biggest problem, chemo-related fatigue, I had to call on my faith and believe that I could get through each day. When each day was finished, I would gear up for another. I just kept moving forward every day. Just as I had seen my family and friends plow through their journeys; I knew I could do the same. They gave me strength. I was grateful for their journeys before mine.
The chemo eradicated my tumor! The lumpectomy was uneventful – many thanks to God. There was no cancer in my sentinel nodes and I got clean margins. The radiation was fascinating as they measured you to ensure the correct area was getting the proper radiation dose. I had no major side effects.
I deemed my journey atypical. Today, I am cancer free. Every day, I keep moving forward; living and staying in the moment. My hope is that you too can find yourself living in the moment; moving forward navigating your cancer diagnosis.
About the Author:
Ronnie Laughlin is a former Division I Basketball player. She played for Peace College and North Carolina State University and graduated from NCSU with a degree in Speech Communication. Ronnie obtained her Master of Arts Degree from Louisiana State University. Ronnie has worked in various settings including schools, universities, hospitals and clinics. Ronnie has been a color analyst for radio and television broadcasts.
She is now a Speech Pathologist working in the Middle East helping children, adolescents, and adults to communicate effectively. Despite being diagnosed with breast cancer during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, Ronnie wrote An Atypical Journey: Facing Breast Cancer Alone in The Middle East With God and My Tribe which chronicles her cancer journey. Ronnie shares with others how she coped with her diagnosis. The accompanying book, My Appointment Notebook: Your Guide To Your Breast Cancer Journey, allows the breast cancer patient the ability to document each process in the journey and to keep track of medications, treatments, appointments and information. In these books, Ronnie hopes to impact people’s well-being.
Ronnie is an avid golfer playing regularly at Royal Greens Golf Club in Jeddah and is a Leaderboard member for Women of Color Golf in Tampa, Florida.
Connect with Ronnie online:
Website: www.ronnielaughlin.com
TwitterX: @la_ronna
Read More:
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Guest Post: 28 Years and Counting by Carrie Leeth
Guest Post: A Joyful Warrior by April Whitt
Guest Post: Can’t See by Maureen Miller
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Turning Points: How I Became a Writer
